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Spiritual Psychosomatic Mathematics
Jun. 7th, 2011 | 02:33 am
Anyway, I was doing the math problems and decided to engage with an "elephant in my mind (room)." To my great frustration and shame, I failed my second semester of Trigonometry in high school. A little explanation and context may be needed.
In my junior and senior years of high school, I attended a high school for gifted Hoosiers called The Indiana Academy for Science, Mathematics, and Humanities. An excellent school that, in many ways, saved my life. By the time I was sixteen, I had experienced more painful, complex, and traumatizing experiences than many adults. This high school gave me the chance to at once get away from an environment filled with people I both loved and from many of whom, I experienced great pain. It was also the first time that I was given a major challenge academically speaking.
Prior to this school, I was often quiet and shy. I was the person who people came to with their troubles. I found escape in after school activities, often completing homework in the classroom (which I found easy to do). At the Academy, I was obnoxious- especially when I first arrived- loud and childish. This was in no small part due to the fact that away from my family I could act like a child and teen without repercussion. It was a wild time and I struggled in the beginning to keep up with school work and to grow up.
During all of this, I found that I was struggling with Trigonometry. I actually needed to study- something that I didn't much of my first year. My intelligence couldn't take the place of doing the quality and quantity of work necessary in this new setting. Also, having studied education and teaching in more detail, I now know that showing a proficiency in the humanities, but not in mathematics is a sign of emotional difficulty and trouble- something I had my fair share of during this time.
So, I failed the class. I had to repeat it my senior year while taking calculus simultaneously in order to complete the necessary requirements for graduation and I did, but not without a sense of humiliation in myself.
I understand what was going on within me then. It makes logical sense given all that had happened. Yet, emotion is not a logical creature. Emotion is a way of coping, understanding, embracing, sharing, engaging, and more. Emotion tells much that logic cannot. My mind has been my refuge for most of my life- the part of me that gave me a chance when nothing else could.
Yet, mucked up with the intellectual is the emotional. This is kind of a "no shit" statement, I suppose. You can't separate out the parts of a person. Like the universe and world that we live in, we are a dynamic energy of interconnection and interdependence- never fully divisible into separate coherent parts.
So, today, I sat doing math problems. I can't remember much of my childhood, but as I completed those problems I could remember where I was when I learned how to multiply exponents or how to solve a geometry proof.
I remembered fourth grade with Mr. Kramer memorizing 12x12 and 9x8 and trying to complete problems in a minute or less. I remembered when he brought out the paddle to spank a group of four of us for not completing a homework assignment and stopped because I was hyperventilating- he not realizing that all I could see was my father in my mind.
I remembered fifth grade when Mrs. Schatz encouraged me to work harder and helped me learn to remember the numbers in my head so I wouldn't need to write down so much. I remember her encouragement as moved from emotionally frightened to competent.
I remembered my 8th grade teacher who prepped us all for the I-Step tests and my total surprise when I ranked in the top 99% on that test.
I remember teaching my classmates in Algebra I when they didn't understand a problem and the ease with which I found logo-rhythms- mostly because I had practiced them in a computer program at Girls Inc. That reminded me of the amazing women there who helped foster my leadership skills and taught me confidence. They gave me a safe haven to develop as a person when I couldn't do so at home.
I remember the logic puzzles and math exercises in Geometry. I remember a teacher who loved to teach and helped each of us engage with the work at hand.
I remember feeling overwhelmed by life and simply not being able to register what the assignments were in Trigonometry. I remember beginning to come out of my shell- to engage in the first steps towards a very long journey of healing and wholeness. I remember trying to grasp the concepts and them slipping from my fingers. As my heart begin to find strength and as I grew into a young adult, I remember the joy I discovered in completing calculus problems balanced with the joy of continuing to develop, even as I stumbled, into the person I was and not the person I thought others wanted me to be.
Psychosomatic mathematics- the memories of my childhood seemed to be wrapped tightly with math. Who knew, huh?
My memories of other classes are far more vague. I remember some things- like my first essay with note cards and notations about giraffes or reading "Demian" by Herman Hesse for the first time. However, nothing sparks memories of a time so far different and yet completely intertwined with my present as mathematics- something that even today I still love doing.
I have friends who majored in mathematics in college who are now ministers. They talk about the spirituality of math. They went far further into the depths of math than I did, but I have no problem understanding that it is an inherently spiritual thing- much like music. Today, I watched a video where the man described pi as miraculous- which it is- and I hope that as people watch his videos they are infected with a spiritual component as well as the intellectual.
Mathematics is spiritual and in my life it seems to have become a form of meditation- of spiritual practice. I think I will keep engaging with it and maybe I will face again the dreaded trigonometry and find peace and connection with such a difficult and painful yet miraculous and liberating time in my life.
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Language for Liberation and Wholeness
Jan. 8th, 2011 | 10:16 pm
My mind has been on violence as a response to politics and belief today. My prayers have gone out to Congressman Giffords, Judge Roll, those who were killed and wounded, Jared Lee Loughner, the families, and the communities effected by today's violence. Once the prayers go out and my spirit and heart relax, a single thought pervades:
we knew this would happen.
We have been experiencing a ramping up of discourse on television, radio, protests, rallies, books, movies, and more. As I watch pundits talk about the relevance of violent discourse thanks to one brave Pima County Sherriff Clarence Dupnik, I keep thinking- it took this for us to notice?
I think for Unitarian Universalists that it can be even more infuriating for we have experienced violence as the result of a man who took the words of pundits, particularly those of O'Reilley and Beck, as the logic to support violence against one of our churches. In July 2008, Jim Adkisson who was emotionally and mentally distraught and broken took the logic of a certain kind of violent language and embodied it by walking into a church in Knoxville. He killed two people and injured others.
The knowledge that this could happen again to any of us lives with Unitarian Universalists. It lives there because we know there are people who will commit this violence against us simply because of our liberal values- simply because of who we are. Language lives in our minds and bodies and spirits for these parts of our being cannot be divided.
So, for my Unitarian Universalist cohorts- I offer my prayers and blessings. An event like this can bring up old wounds. Please be aware of what this brings up in your body and spirit and heart. Be patient and present and remember that you are not alone in this.
For the people of the United States, let us remember that our words matter and have power. They are not there to play a political game in order to acquire votes or prestige or media points. They are a tool that can be used for good or ill and they hold great power. Our intention may not be for violence to come out of our words, but we ARE responsible for the impact of our words regardless our intention.
Grammar, spelling, dialect, and education do not lend more or less credence to what we say. It is the spirit of what is behind what we say and how these words are received. Sure, we cannot be responsible for every response to something we say or do, but we can be aware of the greater impact of what we say and how we say it. This requires some forethought and self-reflection- the least of what we can expect of leaders in our country and world whether they are politicians, pundits, ministers, managers, etc.
We are the embodiment of our ancestors and the generations to come. What legacy do we want to take from and/or leave them with and how do we want them to remember what we said and how they influenced what we did?
May love and grace be with you. May you be aware of the impact of what you say and do. May your words bring about liberation for those who are suffering and oppressed. My your words weave with the words of all to sew a quilt of wholeness with which to blanket the world.
Blessings be upon us all.
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Unitarian Universalist Sixth Principle
Oct. 30th, 2010 | 02:25 am
I suspect many of these words sound familiar. The spirit of this principle can be found in the Declaration on Independence and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Perhaps the most active principle because of the use of the word "promote," it calls us to actively promote these values in our world community. So, let's take a second to parse this out.
World community:
As mentioned in other posts, historically Unitarians and Universalists believed in an understanding of the Torah and Christian Testament that affirms creating heaven here on earth. As Alfred North Whitehead's process philosophy began to weave itself into the fabric of both denominations in the early 1900s, this notion that all things are a part of a living process furthered the notion that we are literally our sibling's keepers. At the core of this is loving commitment to care about and strive for equality for all people- not just ourselves. Perhaps this point comes together in the increasingly polarizing media around the upcoming election. With violence on the rise, terrible attack ads, and judgment of people based on party affiliation it is ever increasingly important within our churches that we are a place for all views. In U.U. churches there are Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Green Party folk, and everything else you can imagine. Each of these folks live in community in their congregations and within the UU Association because that is how they believe the world should be- on building many windows. None of us have the truth, but together we know more and learn more than we do apart.
Peace:
Perhaps the most hotly debated of our three global community commitments- especially in times of war. You will always find Unitarian Universalists at peace marches. You will always find Unitarian Universalists in the military. By and large, Unitarian Universalists fit into either the- "fighting and war are never the answer" group OR the "there are just wars" group. Of course, there are people outside of those two groups- being noncredal, we have folks with every view point you can imagine. The one thing I think everyone agrees on is that war is only very rarely the answer. With that stance, we strive to promote peace in all that we do.
Liberty:
Perhaps it goes back before this, but liberty as understood in our traditions has its roots in the founding of this country. Many of the founders were liberal congregationalists (later called Unitarians) who believed in liberty and helped begin to define it for a nation. Our congregations believe in their own liberty. The Unitarian Universalist General Assembly may vote to support something, but congregations still have the free will to make their own path. The same thing is true for members. The church may decide to support a particular issue, but members are not required to agree. Unitarian Universalists support this same right for the world.
Justice:
Where there is a Unitarian Universalist church there will be a social action/justice committee of some kind. It could be a congregation is too small for a full committee. Instead they may have a Green Sanctuary Committee, Racial Justice Committee, Welcoming Congregation (LGBTQ) Committee, or some other more specific committee. Unitarians and Universalists were considered heretics off and on from the time of the Council of Nicea (they went from being heretics to doctrine off and on during after this Council). So, there is a general disposition to standing up for our own rights. In more recent years, it is the Universalist belief in universal salvation (if we all go to heaven, then we better learn to get along here on earth), the Transcendentalists (we must constantly work to improve ourselves), and the Puritans (heaven's city shall be made here on earth, so we must be good stewards of the land) that are major foundations to justice work.
Now, as I have relayed these values, I have focused heavily on our "Christian" history. However, Christianity was not created in a bubble and has influences from Judaism, Islam, Zoroastrianism, and Paganism within it. So, too were these histories laden with influence from various religious traditions. In recent years, as we have more members coming from traditions other than Christianity, Judaism, and Humanism, the reasons for these same values within other religious traditions have been woven in. For example, our Buddhist members have added a lot to how we understand peace in our time. I will talk more about these when I cover the Sources of our faith, but this is a good beginning. If you read all the way to this point- well done. :-)
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Living Legacy
Oct. 23rd, 2010 | 10:17 am
One of my seminary colleagues talks about intention vs. impact. In having a self-reflective stance towards ourselves, we ask the question- what was our intention and what was the impact. One of the key steps in this process is to say that mistakes do not mean that we are bad people or that there is something wrong with us. To err is to be human. This means that while our intentions may be good, the impact of those actions can be harmful, innocent, and dangerous. Accountability is key. For when we lay claim to our own mistakes we create a model- one person at a time- for a better world.
I have another seminary friend who helped me as I was struggling with facing the guilt/shame of being wrong. He said, "if you aren't making mistakes at least 25% of the time, then you are not learning." That has stuck with me. I am sure I err at least that much, but owning up to it is the hard part. It is a spiritual practice I work on all of the time.
Changing systems of oppression doesn't happen overnight. Part of what keeps me open to helping bring change is the knowledge that it will never happen in my lifetime- so, if we fail to make change it won't be my problem. What I do have to ask is what am I leaving our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Systems are huge and it takes more than my individual effort, but hopefully using critical consciousness, speaking up when something isn't quite adding up, being aware of the power of language to create healing and wholeness and liberation, asking about the null or unseen assumptions we make, and being forever aware that I am a good person who errs and so is the societies and systems that I am a part of mean that maybe- some day- the seventh generation will live in a world that they can be proud of.
We are sacred and filled with grace and our complexity in all of its' fullness makes us a gift to one another.
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Unitarian Universalist Fifth Principle
Oct. 15th, 2010 | 11:11 pm
Unitarian Universalists are congregationalists who believe in the rights and powers of individuals and individual congregations to make decisions. We do not have bishops or outside leaders who direct the ministry or the congregations. This congregational polity, as it is called in theological circles, has long historic roots in both of the Unitarian and Universalist traditions. In fact, many of the founders of democracy in the United States were Unitarian (John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Paul Revere, for example) or from other congregational denominations who valued the right of a community to make decisions based on the membership.
Democratic process varies from church to church. However, one clear form of this democracy is clear in the make of the Unitarian Universalist Association which creates programs and acts upon initiatives based on the voting at General Assembly. General Assembly is an annual gathering of representatives sent by the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association. These votes direct the national organization in the annual tasks of the religion. That said, no church is required to agree with or even directly involve themselves in those initiatives.
There is a clear theological foundation for this kind of decision making process. Clearly UUs believe that religious community matters. There is a reason to be a part of a church, congregation, fellowship, society, or community. (As a result of this democracy, Unitarian Universalist communities have many different names often reflecting the history of that community and the current membership). We come together because our spiritual development and growth are encouraged, our spiritual lives are nourished, we find hope and grace, and so much more. Once you agree that meeting as a community or joining a religious community matters, then the question is: how should we be organized?
Some religions believe that the divine selects those among the community who should lead and directs them accordingly. The Roman Catholic church follows this model with a Pope and Bishops, etc. In Christian history, Martin Luther said no to this way of understanding church. Martin Luther said that people can have a direct line to the divine and should engage with the Bible and G-d directly.
Unitarian Universalists have a wide array of religious traditions and philosophies present within their religious congregations and societies. This principle begins with "we affirm and promote the right of conscience." Early Unitarian Minister William Ellery Channing described each person as having a divine seed within them. This, in direct opposition to the popular Calvinism of the day that said that all people were "naturally depraved." One of the core values among most Unitarian Universalists is that we all have divinity within us and the responsibility to cultivate and grow it. Our conscience is our own and we have a right to share that conscience within our religious communities and have our voice hear in making decisions about our religious communities.
We hold that our religious communities helps each of us to foster a strong moral compass and a blessed world in this life. The individual members commit to doing this, having their voices heard, and experiencing transformation and grace by working, learning, and hoping together. "We are the ones we have been waiting for." "Heaven's here on earth."
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Unitarian Universalist Fourth Principle
Oct. 11th, 2010 | 11:05 pm
In many ways, this value is at the core of a theologically and philosophically diverse religion. Our members draw from many personal and community based sources for their beliefs. We have members who are atheist, humanist, pagan, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, agnostic, theist, earth-centered, and more. In order for people of such diverse backgrounds to worship together, the first three Principles combined with this one are necessary.
Frequently, I have heard people say that Unitarian Universalists can believe whatever they want. However, this is simply not true. The key is that our search for truth and meaning is both free and responsible. Responsible means that we take into account not just our worth and dignity, but that of all people. It means that we take into account many different perspectives and that we are accountable to more than just ourselves.
In my seminary, we were asked the question, “to whom does our work matter?” To whom are we accountable? Just ourselves? Just our families?
Freedom means that we have the freedom to explore, contemplate, meditate, and worship in ways that make sense to us in order to make sense of the fullness of life. Responsible means that we take into consideration what our faith means for more than just ourselves and that we consider the freedom of others as well as ourselves. This goes back to the principle that we “encouragement to spiritual growth.” In other words, we not only wish for freedom to search for truth and meaning, but we wish it for all others, as well.
My last congregation has stated clearly above the entrance to the church: “One Church, Many Paths.” We support our community and the many beliefs and spiritual paths within it.
How is your search for truth and meaning both free and responsible?
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...Makes It Better for All of Us
Oct. 9th, 2010 | 01:03 pm
I’ve been pondering the “It Gets Better” and “Make It Better” campaigns. One video pushed against these videos by saying “it doesn’t better, but you do get stronger.” The woman in the video is a young person of color. Now, her point was that it might get better, but that the people who were making the “It Gets Better” videos were people for whom it did get better. There are many people for whom it didn’t.
I’ve spent a lot of my seminary career and my free time pondering the intersections of oppressions- the people and communities who experience multiple oppressions. The more someone embodies experiences not in the dominant culture the more difficult it is for them to get into places of stability and safety. Like so many different communities before it, queer communities struggle with what it means to experience oppression within a community.
There have long been differences of opinion about how to approach equality for GLBTQQIA people. More often than not, these differences happen along class lines. In the 1970s, there were many different stances on how to attain rights and equality. One way was to work for legal acceptance and the right to be accepted in mainstream society. Another way was to create communities within the larger community where people could be without persecution such as bars or social clubs. Sometimes these approaches overlapped, but more often than not they were two different approaches that stemmed from class stability.
In order to maintain class standing, middle class gays and lesbians needed protection of the law. Also, middle class gays and lesbians generally had more widespread access and power to participate in a wide array of social and political groups. Many of the people in this group fit more into a heteronormative style of relationship and could pass, for the most part, as straight.
However, for many members of the gay and lesbian community, class security was certainly not a possibility. Support in groups of people like themselves was the easiest way to get along in a world that lacked security. For many in this group, they simply could not pass because their body did not fit a heteronormative mode or because to be happy in this world, following a heteronormative lifestyle was simply not an option. People who do not fit into the heteronormative way of being still struggle to gain class access to this day. Plus, if you were poor and working in a factory, being out was often simply not an option ever. Finding safety in a subculture was the best way for survival and- for many- still is today.
When you add in factors such as class, race, ability, nationality, and non-normative experiences to a queer experience it becomes even more difficult to acquire stable employment, affordable and reasonable housing, education, and access to resources that allow for class stability and security. In short, the people that we hear from in the “It Gets Better” campaign are- for the most part- people who have gained access to some level of security and stability and success. This is not available to many in the queer community today.
I just want to trouble the waters a little bit. It is important to say that it can get better and for many, it does. However, if a youth knows someone who is quietly suffering in a community because of class access or knows someone who was murdered for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, then the message will hit the mark. While trying to offer hope for our youth which we MUST do, we must be careful not to lock ourselves into the notion that it gets better for all. We have a lot of work to do. Laws will help, but I believe it requires some coalition building and some recognition that if we really want it to get better- we need to take into consideration that different kinds of oppression that members of our community experience.
We need to understand:
that working for equality in multiple communities makes it better for all of us.
That taking care of homeless GLBTQQIA youth makes it better for all of us.
That putting an end to the needless murder of hundreds of transgender people makes it better for all of us.
That creating church communities that are safe and offer effective support to the queer community makes it better for all of us.
That laws that allow for equality of all makes it better for all of us.
That speaking and sharing your story and honestly listening to another person’s story makes it better for all of us.
That respecting and supporting youth from all communities makes it better for all of us.
That learning and teaching compassion and practices to create compassion from childhood to adult makes it better for all of us.
Feel free to add your statement with the ending “makes it better for all of us.”
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UU Third Principle
Oct. 9th, 2010 | 12:53 am
Unitarian Universalist Principle 3: We affirm and promote acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations.
At the heart of this principle for me is the value that community matters. Coming together in a church does not need to be about creed and for Unitarian Universalists it really isn't. We value the importance of one another in our church c...ommunities and that there is something that we receive at church that we may not receive in our everyday lives- the opportunity to explore, engage, and celebrate our own beliefs. We explore these in times of trial and in times of celebration. We know that our beliefs matter to us, but in a vacuum they may not do much to help us when we need them most.At my last church, members delighted in telling the story about the Atheist/Humanist meeting and the Christian meeting. It seems the two groups were scheduled to meet in the church at the same time. However, there were many members of the church who wanted to attend both meetings. So, the groups changed their times so that members could attend each meeting. All of this to say, that our members find valuable the interactions of diverse ideas and beliefs. As one person said of the religious diversity at the Graduate Theological Union (a consortium of 9 seminaries): "By being exposed to different ideas, I have become clearer about what beliefs are solid and unmovable for me and which ones I can let go of. There weren't the ideas that I was expecting and I would not known that if I hadn't been in this diverse religious community."
We accept one the beliefs of those in our communities and we support one another so that we may all grow. A stagnant spirituality that does not change over time does not do service to the complexity and beauty of living and variety in belief and honest dialogue in that belief matter for a healthy spiritual life.
This does not mean that we always agree or even get along, but that is what covenant is for. We covenant that there are certain ethical values that transcend any belief. That is what these principles are for- help create healthy religious communities founded in the idea that spiritual growth and diversity are core to building beloved community and a healthy planet.
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UU Second Principle
Oct. 9th, 2010 | 12:51 am
Unitarian Universalist Principle Two: We affirm and promote justice, equity and compassion in human relations.
Wherever the source, it is a spiritual practice to commit and recommit ourselves to healing the world through our actions (justice), systems (equity), and hearts (compassion). An attitude of compassion is necessary for the other two to be possible. The capacity to see another person as authentic, whole, and holy- especially when we do not agree with or even dislike them- is at the heart of compassion. It is easy to have justice, equity, and compassion for and with people we like and get along with. The heart of this principle is what you do when it is someone you don't get along with.
It means a commitment to loving words and deeds. It means a constant practice to build compassion in our hearts. To forgive others their trespasses is no small task, but to forgive ourselves is the most difficult thing for many. One of our ministers, Rev. Meg Barnhouse, encourages adding at the end of each UU Principle "in our homes and congregations." For some this is easy, but ask them to have justice, equity, and compassion in relationship to themselves, and it grows exponentially more difficult.
Where do you work towards justice in your life? How do foster equity? When do you practice compassion and how?
As many of our churches covenant each week:
Love is the spirit of this church and service is its law;
This is our great covenant:
To dwell together in peace;
To seek the truth in love;
and to help on another.
El amor es el espiritu de esta iglesia y el servicio su ley;
Este es magnifico convenio:
Vivir juntos en pas;
Buscar la verdad in el amor;
y ayudarnos los unos a los otros.
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Reflection on UU First Principle
Oct. 9th, 2010 | 12:47 am
Unitarian Universalist Principle 1: We affirm and promotes the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
Thought it would be good to talk about some of what I believe. I believe this is the most difficult principle for Unitarian Universalists and all people. Affirming the inherent worth and dignity of every person means everyone- from the mo...st violent person to your greatest enemy. Not an easy prospect. It means doing this through words, deeds, and commitments.
It requires practice. At the core of this principle is love. Love is as natural as a flowing river and can be difficult to allow flow. To have an inherent love for a person who ideas, words, deeds, and commitments run counter to our own can hinder that love. At the heart of this kind of love is the ability to forgive. To have such a deep seeded compassion that you can forgive a person their trespasses. This does not mean that you let the person get away with murder- you set clear expectations and boundaries. It does mean, that at the end of the day, love guides your actions- halts your revenge, encourages patience, calls us to face the fears that may rise, and ask us to breath through anger.
We are each divine- a gift of this earth, of G-d (if you believe in G-d), and our mother's body. May we each remember that we are whole and holy.
